I make friends at Starbucks: the baristas, and the people standing in line. Those of you that know me know that I talk to strangers, and strangers talk to me. Probably nowhere more than at Starbucks. Maybe the Renaissance Faire. Perhaps when camping. Ok… everywhere about the same. If someone in smiling next to me in line, I might say something like, “It’s such a great day, isn’t it?” If someone’s frowning next to me in line, I might say something like, “I’m having a challenging day… but it’ll get better.” (See what I did there?)
It happens often that I strike up a conversation with the barista, who tells me about their cat (ew) or dog (yay), or we talk about the high cost of rent and school, and what they’re studying. Sometimes the barista will keep chatting with me as the line grows, I assume because few people love them like this, with kind words and intentional listening. (Meanwhile, my wife says it’s because they are paid to listen to me… good one, honey… elbow, elbow.)
After I pay I’ll move to the pick-up counter, where a number of us patrons are congregating. I can see in the faces and body language of some that they heard me talking to the barista, and they know I’m that guy, and they are just hoping to coffee-kingdom-come that a barista will shout their name so they can scoop up their cup before I get to their side of the room.
Sometimes I saddle up next to these people and, wouldn’t you know it, they talk to me. Maybe there’s something welling up inside that they just want to share. Or, maybe they heard me entertain The Great Debate (cats v dogs) and they’ve got to throw their 2 cents in. (By the way, if you think about this phrase, 2 cents decades ago was worth a lot more than it is now. This works for money, and arguably, for opinions as well. Monetary inflation has devalued the cents; verbal inflation, compliments of social media, has devalued the “2 cents”.)
Let’s step back and look at this. I am a talker-to-strangers in the context of coffee shops and other places of gathering. I am a stay after church to say hi to everyone I can kind of person. These behaviors and the words I use are a true expression of who I am.
Authenticity is predicated on behaviors, actions, and words—the expressions—of a person. We can call a deed or written work authentic of the person. This is analogous to a historical item, like a letter from a famous person long dead. Is it a fake, or is it really from her, is it authentic?
We contrast this with Integrity. Integrity is the alignment of one’s being, thinking, doing, and speaking. Imagine blocks stacked on one another. At the bottom is what you are, your being. On top of that is your thought, what you are thinking. On top of that is your doing – the actions you take. On top of that is your speaking, which is really an action.
When all the blocks are aligned, you have integrity. The structure of your self, of your who, from your being to your saying, is soundly constructed. Let’s work with the image a little more. If all four corners of each block are lined up, and each block is resting completely on the next without any overhang, you have perfect integrity.
If a block is overhanging on one side, then the block below is exposed on the other. If the block above that overhangs in the same direction you’ve got a real problem. Too much of that and the structure – your integrity, your moral uprightness, your rectitude – will crash.
You know people have integrity through their authenticity. Their word is their bond. They do what they say they are going to do, even if circumstances have changed and they are going to suffer for it. They follow through.
But, this doesn’t mean authenticity is a product of integrity. A con artist is authentic when lying. Their deeds and words are true to themselves. But, a con artist doesn’t have integrity. Someone we might call authentic may not have integrity, but someone with integrity will definitely be authentic.